Rosaria

Hi, my name is Rosaria let me first tell you a little about myself I am a single 34 year old who also happens to have a physical challenge.I have CP cerebral palsy which effect my walking and balance.I have always tried to live a pretty normal life growing up in NY. I have always tried to persue a good education I think that is key in life, it has kept me sane in some of my sad moments that we all have. I have never really felt sorry for myself just sad at times. As a teenager it became a little rough,I started to realize that I had some limitation that would not allow me to socialize outside of school. As much I would have liked to go out with my friends or family sometimes I didnt want to hold them back from having fun because,they felt obligated to stay with me,but I did go out sometimes so it was not that bad. This is why school became my primary focus, in a way I am glad because I loved going to college. The people were all great and supportive. After getting my degrees in Travel and Hospitality and Psychology it was time for me to take a rest. On this break I did a lot of reading and soul searching as to what was next in my life. I should tell you although that I had one little secret desire and that was to be a mom,I didnt know how or when but I knew I wanted it really bad even as a child. I knew I wanted a baby some day and that eventually I would find a way. Let me tell you a little bit about my family,my parents are immigrants from Italy and they came to America as teenagers with my grandparents for a better life. My parents are now US citzens and live a typical life in NYC. When my parents met in the US the decided to marry and start a family,not all went smoothly for my mom though after 2 miscarriages she became pregnant with me,she was happy because the pregnacy was going well,but at 7 months she got a really bad case of food poisoning(the cheesecake was the culbrit)she wont touch it now, but I love it,go figure! At 28 weeks I was born I weighed 3lbs,but I was healthy so they said. They put in an incubator for 6 weeks for montoring remember this was 1974 not a lot was known about preemies. My parents took me home and fed me a lot that is the cure in most Italian families. It worked because, you never now by looking at me that I was born a preemie. I became a big healthy baby in a matter of 6 months. My mother says that she always knew something was not right with me even though the doctors kept telling her I was ok she knew something was wrong,but because, I was talkative verbal and friendly with others( I was speaking 2 languages my the time I was 18 months old)This kind of over looked my physical problems and many people just thought my first time mom jitters.I still was not walking and I had a hard time balancing.Finally at 2 I was diagnosed with CP. I am very lucky it could have been a lot worse. I am glad that I can speak and communicate with others and I am somewhat intelligent which can help me get by in life. I use crutches and a wheelchair to help me get around. After I was born my mther had 2 more miscarriages,but after 7 years my sister Anna was born perfectly healthy I might add. I love her very much she has been there for me always,sometimes I really feel bad and guilty she did not ask to have to have a sister with a disability yet she takes in stride and does not bother her as much as it does me because, I know she loves me a great deal. My mother once told me one of the reasons they wanted a second child was for me,to give me the sibling I would need in life not just to help me physically, but emotionally and and mentally as well. We help each other in many different ways. When I hit 30 a light went off in my head and I thought stop thinking about this and start helping yourself. I always thought of it as an after thought never as the present, but as my maternal instinct started to kick in I wanted a baby even more! I always talked to my sister about this and she was very supportive of me and she understood why I wanted this. Then I told my mther about my feelings and she to was supportive,but a bit worried if I can handle caring for an infant. At this point my father didnt know of my plan I wanted to be sure before I told him or extented family. I question myself many times,as to why I want to be a mom and am I being selfish for wanting this. Will my child be teased and made fun of for not having a daddy and a normal able bodied mother. Will I be a good enough mother? these questions I ask myself everyday. First I looked into adoption and the lawyer was very nice in saying that because, I was single it would be difficult with no guarentee so at this meeting he mentioned if I thought I was able to carry a baby I told I didnt think it was a good idea, he then suggested surrogacy at first I thought wow can I do that,but as I thought about it further it sounded like a good idea and it would be something that would benefit me and my situation I just it was something that the rich and famous dont get me wrong it is very expensive and costly,but doable with help and support. So now I have been matched with a carrier and I am doing all the needed testing for my ivf cycle and we are hoping to transfer in January or Febuary I cant believe that it might be possible for me to have my own biological baby I am finally that I am about to live my dream if all goes well thanks to all of you who have anwsered my sometimes stupid questions I am not very experienced in baby making meds or ivf so, this site has helped very much. Please feel free to comment on my story or post me some advice Best wishes to all, I will keep you updated,Rosaria