madeline

Here's my story...

I started ttc 4 years ago, both dh and I were 29. We didn't get pregnant for the first year so we consulted a fertility specialist/RE. We failed 2 IUI's, failed one IVF, and he suggested doing a ZIFT IVF for "better results". I did get pregnant, but I miscarried at 8 weeks. That miscarriages turned out to be incomplete and I bled for 3 months. It seemed weird to me so I went to my old OB and he said I had an incomplete miscarriage. So, I had to have a D&C anyways.

I started seeing an fertility acupunturist, and 3 months later I got pregnant on my own. The pregnancy *seemed* like it was going great - had all the pg symptoms and high HCG - but at my 9 week ultrasound they found a blighted ovum. I felt like I had conquered Mt. Everest and someone just pushed me back down!

I had a D&C the day after Christmas. 4 months later I got pregnant again, but miscarried early. I started seeing a new RE who did a Miscarriage Panel on me and found a hetero strain of MTHFR. I was put on high doses of Folic Acid and injectable blood thinners. 4 months later I was pregnant again, and I still miscarried at 6 weeks.

On the ultrasound, it showed I had a 2.5 cm fibroid (about the size of a golf ball). All my previous dr's said it wasn't close to the lining so it wasn't a problem, however this RE suggested a hysteroscopy to take a look at it. His opinion was that there was a good chance it was causing the miscarriages (sucking all the blood away from the uterus)... BUT he couldn't say for sure. I had a huge decision to make!

I was out of options at the point so I decided to have the myo in Nov 2007. It was a long painful recovery. We started ttc again in January 2008 - it's been 4 months - and no pregnancy yet. I just want to give my new uterus a "test run"! I am now contemplating IVF again because I fear my biological clock. I need to know if my body can do this so I can move on to adoption if I need to...

I feel like I have been through hell. Four years of living in the "dark ages"... countless days of crying in bed all day and feeling completely useless as a female... What makes it harder is seeing your friends who weren't even married when you started TTC having their SECOND child by now! And NOBODY understands what you are going through so it's one insensitive comment after another. It would be so much easier to cope with this if we were on our own deserted island. *sigh*