December 09, 2008

So I've gotta get this off my chest. My best friend found out in june that she was pregnant. They had only been trying for 3 or 4 months on and off and in the middle of that time frame she found out that he was cheating on her. She left him for maybe a minute and claimd she was getting a divorce. The next day right back with him. I support her in anything that she chooses I personally wouldn't have been with him or went back. this wasn't the first time and when they started dating I think he was married to someone else to begin with. But anyways, She knew that I was ttc and handled telling me gently. I truly appreciate that! I am happy for her having a hardtime being excited but I dont believe that she knows that! I offered to HELP throw her baby shower. Well, apparently no one else offered cause here I am one month before her baby shower and I'm the sole host. She says that if I need help to call her but then in the next breath says I have control anything goes and that she just kinda wants to show up. So I'm a little aggrevated. I dont know weither to ask her for help or not... I also feel a little isolated once she started trying we would keep eachother posted on weither we got af that month or not. Once she found out that she was preg no more posts. She dosnt call or text and ask me how I'm doing. I check up on her but its never reciprocated. I'm sure that she dosnt want to throw it in my face that she is and i'm still not. but as a result I feel issolated. I don't even see her that much anymore we use to meet up for lunch almost weekly. Now its rare! The last time that we met up I had questions about what she wanted for her shower and we (I) did some shopping for it. That was back in October! I'm realy not trying to bitch and I truly am happy for her but also wish the same for myself. I'm just tired I had to tell someone how I felt! I didn't want to a friend cause we have the same circle of friends and I didnt want this to get back to her. I am happy for her and don't mind doing her baby shower I just didnt intend on doing it all myself. I cant talk to my dh or dm about this they would prob tell me not to throw her shower since its not what I originally signed up for. I can't and would'nt do that to her. I just needed to VENT! Thank you for listening!!!!

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Kristi19

December 09, 2008

Could you ask some of her other friends to help out with the shower?

lheidi

December 09, 2008

I could but they all seem so wrapped up in their own lives. We kinda have selfish friends. No-one else has even offered to lift a finger! I don't mind doing it it's just not what I originally signed up for and I feel a little taken advantage of.

Holly--...

December 09, 2008

Oh lheidi - I so know how you feel!!!!!! My situation is the same yet different. My best friend is single - she is NOT the type to sleep around or anything, but I called her up this summer and said that I had a dream that she was pregnant and I was just kind of laughing about it...she WAS!! She met a guy online and slept with him on their FIRST date!! That is so not like here!! Well DH and I were trying to get pregnant and I found our 4 days later that we were pregnant too:) I THOUGHT that was good - except she of course didn't want her baby.

Then DH and I miscarried. I was always calling her asking how she was, if she needed anything, etc. When we miscarried - nothing. Not even a phone call. She was my maid of honor in my wedding - best friend of all, etc. nothing...not even a phone call. The only time she called me was to complain that it wasn't her miscarrying and she was mad. So 4 days after I miscarried she went to planned parenthood and had an abortion.

She still has not asked me how i am doing. Nothing. Dh and I got pregnant again 2 months later and miscarried again. Still nothing. I haven't seen her since July when we were both pregnant for about a week.

Its so hard how trying to bring something so precious into this world can cause so much hurt. I have completely lost my best friend now. We never talk - we tried once but she just yelled at me because I am married and its not fair to her and it just sucks that she can't be married too and that was it.

ALSO, there were 4 of us that hung out a lot at my work. One of them had a baby in April, the other in September, and now the 3rd is due in April. I NEVER talk to them anymore. They are off doing their mommy stuff while I am at home crying over my two miscarriages. It isn't fair. Friends can be cruel.

I guess I would tell her the truth. That it hurts you to do a shower for her when she has what you so badly want. Tell her flat out that you are so willing to help but it tears you up. if she is really your friend, she will understand and ASK one of her other friends to help you.

Good luck!!! Good luck to all of us trying to maintain relationships while also trying to mend broken hearts.

lheidi

December 09, 2008

Its ok I dont mind doing it but i'd like a little recognition. I keep praying that the next time I call to see how shes doing she'll ask how I am... It'll never happen but theres still hope. I don't want to complain to her or rain on her parade and bring her down I just need someone to talk to. someone who will listen.

I'm soo sorry to hear about your m/c! And your friend(s) this is all such a rotten situation!

Holly--...

December 09, 2008

Sorry my message was so long, I didn't mean to monopolize your thread - i just wanted you to know that you are definitely not alone!!! Sometimes I tell myself that its because people don't know what to say - so they don't ask. But honestly I truly believe that some people are just so self absorbed. I am sure your friend will come around soon. I gave up on mine and we don't talk anymore at all. Its probably better that way. Sounds like your situation is a little better off than mine. Hopefully she will see soon enough - or at LEAST repay the favor when you get your shower!!!

lheidi

December 09, 2008

Well like I said my friends are a little selfish and wrapped up in their own lives.

Your not monopolizeing thread! I appreciate it, I feel like maybe what im feeling is justified. and atleast you understand.

Hopefully both of our friends will come around! Or we'll get new ones... Too bad its not that easy! Like buying a new jacket? Yeah well thats my perfect world!

Kristi19

December 09, 2008

No doubt it's no fun when our friends get preggo while we struggle. They cannot understand since they haven't stood where we stand. But still, even if they don't get it, they could at least acknowledge we're having a hard time. I recently had another m/c and my most of my friends were acting like, since I'd already a m/c earlier this year, that it was no biggie to go thru another one! Even my MIL (who brought me 3 dozen roses when I had 1st m/c) never even mentioned it! Not a word. People can really be stupid.

Throwing a shower for an ungrateful, pregnant friend really sucks! I think sometimes preg women get the its-all-about-me thing going on, and they may not even realize it. Being preggo takes over your life & u get lots of attention & I think it may be easy to get a little self-centered. Maybe your friend will return to her old self after the baby is born... It sounds like you're committed to following thru w/ the shower, so just do the best you can.

Holly, Your BFF sounds like she's jealous. I'm sorry for what you're going thru :(

lheidi

December 09, 2008

Im sorry for you mc(s)! Ive never had to go through that it must be realy hard for both you and holly! I think people dont know what to say so they say nothing at all. And sometimes i'd rather hear nothing then "maybe your just not ment to have children". Thats what my mil has said. I dont know I just thought that my friend would be more understanding. And maybe she is in her own way. Maybe shes kinda issolateing me as to keep me safe so i dont have to always be around her and her pregnancy. I just wish that she'd ask how I was so I could tell her. I wouldnt go in depth with all the bad stuff She should be happy right now. But I should be too! We all should! Our day is coming girls! Someday hopefully not too far off in the future (cause I dont think that I have the patience for that) we will get our bfp's! But then we have to remember not to act like our friends or even our mils. Maybe this is ment to make us stronger women!

lheidi

December 10, 2008

I failed to mention that its not just a baby shower but a co-ed tractor themed shower! Yeah go on ebay and type in tractor baby shower and see what you get. Absolutley nothing! It could'nt be easy huh!

Kristi19

December 12, 2008

A tractor themed shower?! Wow, WTH? You poor girl :(

I wouldn't even know where to start! Good luck--I'm sure you'll be able to pull it together, but do whatever you need to do to keep your sanity. Hang in there!

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