August 14, 2008
I am so undecided. I wasn't before, but now I am.
Here's my story. I got married 4 years ago. My husband is amazing. I wasn't ready for kids. Then one day 2 years into our marriage I just woke up needing them. We started trying. Miscarriages followed. Disappointment. 2 years of trying resulted in nothing but dispair.
Medical History: I'm 28. Perfectly health. In shape. Don't ovulate on my own. Clomid works on me. Just had a series of bad luck miscarriages. Have an awesome RE.
I started feeling horrible and consumed by this need to get pregnant. I was obsessed. Got super depressed after the last failure. Saw a shrink. Got the appropriate meds/therapy.
So we're ready financially to be parents. My husband is emotionally ready. I'm another story. My husband wanted a baby when he first met me. Awfully cute but sorta heart breaking. And I don't know how I feel anymore. He thinks I'm just protecting myself by thinking I don't want a baby. I can see his point. Maybe it's true. But now I'm scared to start trying... to even want it. I took the Summer off and need more time to decide.
Ugh, I know he doesn't want to wait. I want a baby for sure, one day. I'm scared of pursuing it now. What if it doesn't happen? What if I'm a sucky mom? What if I hate it? What if I wait and then I royally screw myself over b/c I do have fertility issues (no fertile myrtle here)? So many "what ifs." I over analyze everything.
Anyone experienced a similar situation? If so, any insight would be super helpful. I hope I don't sound like a huge flake.
**None of my friends are married or have children.. so it's nice to have this forum.
August 14, 2008
Welcome! I felt the same way when my dh wanted to have a baby with me. It's my second marriage and I have two kids from a previous marriage. I also had 2 m/c's and it killed me every time we lost the baby. I was up and down with wanting to continue trying so we took a ttc break. It takes a long time not only to heal physically from a loss but also emotionally. I do believe that you are guarded now with your emotions from having losses yourself. It's very hard! I say take your time hun and continue to talk to someone about your feelings. Only you will know for sure when you're ready and don't let anyone pressure you before you are ready. Good luck.