Trying to fulfill my Mothers dream !!!

well as you all know i had a m/c in august , so here we are ttc once again and with the good grace of GOD we will recieve our lil Angel . this time i was put on famara so i am excited to try it. i have heard alot of good stuff about it so i am hoping we get blessed . this has been a very trying time for us , with all that has happened this year i believe we will get there soon . i also want to thank all the ladies that have been there for me. i have been in this lil whole since feb. with the loss of my mother i know you all have heard of the loss of my mother. i am sry if you guys are getting tired of hearing me talk about it but... for the love for a mother MY MOTHER its a hard thing to swallow. my mothers birthday is on the 24th of November and i just miss her so much this will be a very rough time for us. the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with in my life with the loss of my baby shortly after ... I have just felt like when is God going to give me a break but i guess what it is i needed a break within myself its not my fault even though i blaime myself for everything that has come ... right before my mother passed i had a wonderful weekend with her and she was all fill with joy trying to prepare me for a baby and she was in such a rush to get all the lil things done ..if you were to have seen the excitement in my mothers eyes...and then with in that same weekend my mother became real ill and on the 4rth of FEB. she past away not having an opertunity to recieve the gift of life she lost hers and i blaimed myself for that .... she lost her life to let me have life how could i be so selfish ... i believed that i wanted a baby more than my own life to give to my mother that she gave her life for me and i couldnt deal with it months past and in june we got pregnant and not long after we lost our baby ... i have to believe she is in heaven looking over our lil angels and that one day just maybe one day i will recieve my mother gift ... the saddest thing i think is the day we get to have our lil angel my mother wont be there to see it and i wont be able to see that glow in my mothers eyes ... i think she will be looking in on me from time to time but its not the same. i have dedicated my life to my mother to grant her the last wish she wanted and i am a determined person i will fulfill my mothers dream!!! GOD i dont understand the expression "all things happen for a reason and its not your fault " but then you have to believe it does happen for a reason just maybe there was something wrong i can question everything but in all and all i just have to except it i know it wasnt my fault now . i know i will be blessed and i will see mothers eyes the 1st time i get to look into my lil angels eyes and until then i have to try to be strong and i have to believe she is still here with me ...so all i have right now is faith ,love ,hope and determination and all in all my MOTHERS DREAM

Thanks for listening and letting me get it out of my chest god bless you ladies and if you dont mind on my mothers birthday may you all say a prayer for my family and to all the ladies that have lost there mothers or even a loved one GOD BLESS YOU ALL



I LOVE YOU MOM !!!