Trying to become a mother.

July 16, 2008

Hi, I have been married to my wonderful husband for 3 years. In about February of 2007 we decided that we would like to start a family very soon, but being naive we decided that we would wait to start trying for a couple more months so that the baby would have a "good" birthday. In Canada anywhere between the middle of April until the end of September is considered a "good" birthday. So in June 2007 we started trying for our little miracle. We learned very quickly that this was not going to be as easy as we thought. We have now been trying for our little one for 13 months, which I know is not long compared to some of the other ones with aching arms.

I have irregular cycles which makes things all that much more frustrating. My cycles will range anywhere from 30 - 45 days (I was devastated with the 45 day one), and once I have my monthly it will last for about 7 days (with spotting on either side!!). I live in a small town so the medical care available is limited and the doctors here do not know a lot about fertility. You need a referral most of the time in Alberta to get in with a specialist, sometimes even to see an obgyn and then it is between 1.5 - 6 hour drive to get to them.

I am currently on CD14 and just finished a round of clomid 50mg on days 7-11. My doctor thought that you couldn’t take clomid if you were still bleeding so he started me late... that is what I mean by limited medical care. So I guess I am in another 2 week wait, but I try not to think about it too much. I do think however that the clomid helped me to ovulate earlier, because I think I ovulated yesterday and I usually don't until CD19-20.

Sometimes my heart and my arms ache so bad I don't know what to do. It's like you cry so hard it is an out of body experience, like this person isn't even you.

My sister-in-law just had her little miracle by emerge. c-section last night. So I'm super happy for them (ttc 1.5 years, 1 miscarriage) but I still feel a little sorry for myself. They also had the first girl in 3 generations which made my husband really sad because we were hoping to be the ones to break the record. I guess we are selfish. :)

July 21, 2008

Rachel, so sorry for your hurting heart! You are in the right place here with all of us fertility ties members we can relate to your pain. Sending you lots of luck and BABY DUST that you get your little miracle soon. ***HUGS***

July 21, 2008

Rachel I hope you get your BFP this month. And Welcome to the family. You will find great comfort and support here.

*****Baby Dust*******

July 23, 2008

I can relate a lot with your story. I'm sorry for the hurt you feel and I hope you get your BFP soon!!! If you ever feel like chatting through your frustration and hurt please let me know...I know I feel like I need it sometimes...GOOD LUCK

July 23, 2008

I pray you have a bfp & a healthy pregnancy!

July 23, 2008

Thanks so much for all of your comments. It has helped my emotional health so much to know that there are other women out there going through the same things and who want to support me! I used to cry a lot more and now I feel so much more in control! ~~~Baby Dust~~~ to all!

July 23, 2008

cuz like you...we have the opposite in my fam...always girls..so I wanted to be the 1st to give a grandson!

July 23, 2008

If you ever need to talk I'm here! I had 3 m/c's..so I can relate...also you're not selfish to want a girl..I want a boy to end the girl cycle in my fam...lol!

July 23, 2008

aww, I can relate 100% Hopeful. By the way, maybe you should change your name now that you have your BFP an one on the way!

July 24, 2008

Yeah..ur right..lol I should change my name! Good idea.

July 24, 2008

Greatful-momma-2be is now my new SN! lol

July 24, 2008

How are you doing?

July 24, 2008

Greatful, I like the new name, it is more appropriate for your current situation. I am not doing too bad today... I spent the majority of my day shopping for groceries and such. I drive to a city that is about 1 hour away to shop as they have more stuff there. What about you? How is your little bean treating you?

July 25, 2008

girl, i feel ya! i thought i was reading my own story there for a minute. we've been trying for 13 months, we live in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere-(although i only have 1.5 hr to go to my re...), and we just found out a few days ago that my brother-in-law and his girlfriend are unexpectantly expecting. you guys wanted to have the first girl-we wanted to have the first grandbaby. :( but that's okay, we're so happy for them, they'll be great!

i'm not on clomid...yet...my first appt with the re is coming up soon.

and i completely understand how sometimes you don't feel like yourself. it's so hard. these past couple of months have been the worst. i'm normally such a happy, positive person-i have been more moody and just blaaah than ever before, and i don't like the feeling at all! just remember that there's a plan somewhere in all this madness! our time will come my dear!!! and you have found the best site! the people on this site are amazing! i'm officially addicted to this site! :)

good luck to you! and tons and tons and tons of

babydust!!!!

July 25, 2008

Hi Haley, it is really cool that we have been ttc for the same amount of time... well not cool, but nice that we have eachother! I wanted you to know that not only was this little girl the first girl, she was the first grandbaby as well. I was crushed well I found out it was a girl, I thought for sure that God would save that for us... but I know that was just selfish thinking. One piece of advise for you is don't tell yourselves that you will be pregnant by the time the baby comes. When we found out that my BIL and SIL were pregnant we told ourselves that it was ok because we would be pregnant by the time that their baby came. It set us up for a huge emotional fall because it was like a marker... like you have to be pregnant by this time...

I hope that you will get pregnant soon so that instead of feeling dissapointed you can share in the joy with your brothers girlfriend. Who knows, maybe we will get our BFP's together and get to share in our pregnancies. I think that it will be good for you to see the specialist and at the very least find out that everything is ok. There are lots of women who get pregnant right away on clomid too, so all you may need is a little boost. Also, don't worry to much about the clomid because it is really not that bad, it makes you feel funny, but it is bearable.

Well, I will talk to you soon!

July 26, 2008

thanks rachel, that's very good advice. i have been thinking, oh i'll get pregnant this month and her and i go thru the whole thing together, but you're right, that's just setting me up for disappointment. i definitely still have hope for this month, and the coming months, but it's a great idea not to set a deadline. we'll get pregnant when the time is right!

where are you at in your cycle?? i'm in my 2ww right now...ugg! we're keeping busy enough that i don't have to think about it too much!

July 26, 2008

I think that is the best advice! Definitely don't give yourselves a deadline. We did that and yes, we set ourselves up for failure as well. We also put so many things on hold because we thought we would be having a baby.....well, still no baby 14 months later! Just let it all go and remember that when it is supposed to be your time, it will happen. That's my new thing!

July 29, 2008

I know the 2ww isn't fun. And I totally know about the deadlines!! I told myself last year I wanted to be pregnant by Christmas and then it was Mother's Day and now it's Christmas again. Becky, like you, I have said "Oh we can't do this or can't do that" and I have already planned my whole life around a baby that doesn't exist. I wish I could be one of those people who can just relax but since I've been on here, I realize I'm not alone and going through this makes us all a little nutty!!!

July 29, 2008

it does make us nutty! but we're nutty together!! and actually, i've found that it's easier to relax now that i've found this site. i'm letting myself take this one day at a time and i'm not stressing out (too much) about the future days, weeks, years...

August 05, 2008

I read that it's CD1 for you again. I'm really sorry. I really hope that we become pregnant ASAP!!!! Just think that it's time to start gearing up again and focusing on this month. Will you do clomid again? Are you being monitored at all? I know you said the medical care is limited.

August 05, 2008

Hi everyone and thank you so much for your support! I am sadly on my CD 1 again! UGG! Stupid AF...lol.

Melissa, I am going to be doing clomid again and I think he may bump up the dose for me. I only have to endure this month and next month... if I don't get my BFP then the doc said he will refer me to the RE! It is really hard to wait, I am getting tired of all of this, but aren't we all? Maybe we will get pregnant this month and be pregnancy buddies! I have my hands folded, my toes crossed and my knees bent for all of us!!!

August 05, 2008

aww poop on af! i hope you have a great month rachel! i think i'll be joining you soon, i think af is right around the corner...

good luck with the clomid change!! babydust!!

August 05, 2008

well i WAS ttc f0r ab0ut 3 years i took clomid for 4 months... this april 0f 2008 til july 2008.. it d0es w0rk for some however... it does not work for all. It made me really depressed... month after month when af would come i would just cry an cry.... dh didnt know what to say anymore. I would feel all kind of ways.. like why is it so easy for people to have children when they dont appreciate them. The ones who have 5...6...7 kids and they live badly. Their children grow up the same way..living badly because its all they know. But then there are great loving people in this world like us on this site who would be great parents and love there children to the fullest extent. I would even think about suicide sometimes. After the first time of taking the pills (days 5-9 for the first two months and then days 3-7 for the last two) i would get up and throw up always in the mornings and around the last two weeks until af i would have horrible stmoach aches... so i thought hey.. maybe i could be preggers...big negative. Now i still throw up in the mornings now but its not as bad. I stopped ttc because it was a long an tiring process. I was tired of being let down and now i just think i cant have kids or its just not the time for me. Thats just how it was for me... but i do ENCOURAGE you to keep trying...no matter what keep your faith.

September 02, 2008

I wanted to thank all of you again for your support! I'm pregnant! Check out my post (with pics)

http://www.fertilityties.com/post/show/it-s-a-miricle-i-m-pregnant/134127

I love you all and wish you BFP's!

September 03, 2008

WOW!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!!! I'm soooooo happy for you!!

Banner_06