January 31, 2009
There they are. All present and all accounted for- Prometrium, Lupron, estrogen, progesterone in oil. All lined up like my own little fertility army. I double check the box to make sure they're all there. Then without warning a tear slides down my cheek. Then another. Soon I'm sobbing so hard I can barely catch my breath. I just want to take that box of medicine and throw it against the wall. I should not be sitting here planning for my 2nd round of IVF. I should be up in the nursery folding little pink dresses and little pink blankets. I should be caressing my growing 29 week pregnant belly- counting down the days. Instead I'm here alone in my kitchen with my box of medications and its so freaking unfair.
Just 10 weeks ago my husband and I were on cloud nine. We practically floated into the doctor's office. After all it was our big day. We were going to find out if our former guest room would soon be painted pink or blue. Instead, the doctor gave us news we never could have seen coming. There on the ultrasound screen our little girl was no longer wiggling, no longer growing, no longer alive. Thirty six hours later I delivered my precious girl, just 7 inches long and a slight 3.2 ounces. I held her in my arms as best as I could and said goodbye to a daughter I never got to know.
So here we are. Starting over. Physically this time should be easier. But emotionally who knows? I find a little comfort in rereading the IVF protocol. The routine is familiar- and that helps in some small way. If this round works as planned, we'll be holding our little miracle before the end of the year. And that's what keeps me going. So here's the plan:
Feb 5th- Start Prometrium
Feb 11th- Start Lupron
Mar 2nd- baseline ultrasound, start estrogen
March 11th- ultrasound
March 16th- ultrasound
March 20th- transfer 2 frozen embryos "frosties"
April 1st- (Yes April Fool's Day)- Beta- it will be BFP!
Please share with me your journey. I'm so glad to have the women of FT for support this time around.
Just 10 weeks ago my husband and I were on cloud nine. We practically floated into the doctor's office. After all it was our big day. We were going to find out if our former guest room would soon be painted pink or blue. Instead, the doctor gave us news we never could have seen coming. There on the ultrasound screen our little girl was no longer wiggling, no longer growing, no longer alive. Thirty six hours later I delivered my precious girl, just 7 inches long and a slight 3.2 ounces. I held her in my arms as best as I could and said goodbye to a daughter I never got to know.
So here we are. Starting over. Physically this time should be easier. But emotionally who knows? I find a little comfort in rereading the IVF protocol. The routine is familiar- and that helps in some small way. If this round works as planned, we'll be holding our little miracle before the end of the year. And that's what keeps me going. So here's the plan:
Feb 5th- Start Prometrium
Feb 11th- Start Lupron
Mar 2nd- baseline ultrasound, start estrogen
March 11th- ultrasound
March 16th- ultrasound
March 20th- transfer 2 frozen embryos "frosties"
April 1st- (Yes April Fool's Day)- Beta- it will be BFP!
Please share with me your journey. I'm so glad to have the women of FT for support this time around.
February 01, 2009