February 05, 2009
I found this just now and was thinking we need to have flier of this made to pass out to our familes and friends!!
Most of us know someone who is infertile or having trouble conceiving. Here are some tips in dealing with your friends/familes who are having trouble.
*Don't tell them to relax.
- We all know someone who has gotten pregnant after a couple months of "relaxing". Those people were not infertile. Infertility is described as a couple who have not gotten pregnant after trying for 1 year....not to a couple who tried for 4 months and said "To heck with it, and got pregnant 2 months later."
*Don't minimize their problem.
-Telling your infertile friend things like "Be glad you get to sleep late"; "just think, you can travel when you want to"; or "think of all the money you are getting to save" does not help their situation. It only makes them feel worse. They are surrounded by familes with children and it is only a reminder of what they cannot have.
*Do not say they arent meant to be parents.
- One of the cruelest things to say to someone is "Maybe this is God's way of telling you he dosn't want you to be parents" Why would you suggest that? Did God really think that he needed to divinely sterilize them since they would be such bad parents? What about all these young girls who give birth in school bathrooms and throw their babies in the trash or dumpsters? Did he think they would be good mothers? Or the crack addict who gets pregnant every other month and has abortions..why dosn't he prevent THOSE pregnacies from happeneing? This comment is just downright absurd.
*Don't be crude or funny about the situation
-Do not try to be funny and say things like "I'll donate sperm for you" or "maybe your oven just isn't hot enough for a baby yet" This just irritates the couple.
*Don't complain about your pregnancy
To those of you who are pregnant..try not to complain about how you hate being pregnant. You have every right to vent about your nausea, weight gain, newly forming cankles, and the fact that you feel you have been hit by a truck 24/7 and you should...just not to your infertile friend... Do not put them in the position of comforting your troubles. They would be willing to pay thousands of dollars that they dont have just for a chance to go what you are going through and they would go through that 9 months of misery without complaint.
*Dont treat them like they are ignorant.
- Dont make them feel like they know less about the responsibilities of parenting. Saying things like "If you knew what I go through at bedtime, dinnertime, or getting them ready for school, you wouldn't be so anxious to get pregnant. This just makes them feel ignorant and worse about their situation.
*Dont gossip about their situation
- If your friend has told you intimate details about their journey to have a baby, please dont gossip to other people about it. They dont want to walk into a bank to deposit their paycheck and not know that the bank teller secretly knows what the couples sperm count is and when their next period is due.
*Let them know you care.
-infertile couples are grieving the potential loss of a child they may never have. The grief is almost identical to suffering the loss of a loved one. Try to realize what they are going through. They have more than likely went through some very embarrassing, painful, and expensive tests and not to mention being finacially strained and the thought of spending thousands of dollars just for a chance to go through what most get to go through so easily is emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting. Let them know you care.
I am printing this out and handing it to every one I know!
Most of us know someone who is infertile or having trouble conceiving. Here are some tips in dealing with your friends/familes who are having trouble.
*Don't tell them to relax.
- We all know someone who has gotten pregnant after a couple months of "relaxing". Those people were not infertile. Infertility is described as a couple who have not gotten pregnant after trying for 1 year....not to a couple who tried for 4 months and said "To heck with it, and got pregnant 2 months later."
*Don't minimize their problem.
-Telling your infertile friend things like "Be glad you get to sleep late"; "just think, you can travel when you want to"; or "think of all the money you are getting to save" does not help their situation. It only makes them feel worse. They are surrounded by familes with children and it is only a reminder of what they cannot have.
*Do not say they arent meant to be parents.
- One of the cruelest things to say to someone is "Maybe this is God's way of telling you he dosn't want you to be parents" Why would you suggest that? Did God really think that he needed to divinely sterilize them since they would be such bad parents? What about all these young girls who give birth in school bathrooms and throw their babies in the trash or dumpsters? Did he think they would be good mothers? Or the crack addict who gets pregnant every other month and has abortions..why dosn't he prevent THOSE pregnacies from happeneing? This comment is just downright absurd.
*Don't be crude or funny about the situation
-Do not try to be funny and say things like "I'll donate sperm for you" or "maybe your oven just isn't hot enough for a baby yet" This just irritates the couple.
*Don't complain about your pregnancy
To those of you who are pregnant..try not to complain about how you hate being pregnant. You have every right to vent about your nausea, weight gain, newly forming cankles, and the fact that you feel you have been hit by a truck 24/7 and you should...just not to your infertile friend... Do not put them in the position of comforting your troubles. They would be willing to pay thousands of dollars that they dont have just for a chance to go what you are going through and they would go through that 9 months of misery without complaint.
*Dont treat them like they are ignorant.
- Dont make them feel like they know less about the responsibilities of parenting. Saying things like "If you knew what I go through at bedtime, dinnertime, or getting them ready for school, you wouldn't be so anxious to get pregnant. This just makes them feel ignorant and worse about their situation.
*Dont gossip about their situation
- If your friend has told you intimate details about their journey to have a baby, please dont gossip to other people about it. They dont want to walk into a bank to deposit their paycheck and not know that the bank teller secretly knows what the couples sperm count is and when their next period is due.
*Let them know you care.
-infertile couples are grieving the potential loss of a child they may never have. The grief is almost identical to suffering the loss of a loved one. Try to realize what they are going through. They have more than likely went through some very embarrassing, painful, and expensive tests and not to mention being finacially strained and the thought of spending thousands of dollars just for a chance to go through what most get to go through so easily is emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting. Let them know you care.
I am printing this out and handing it to every one I know!
Share this on
February 05, 2009
Very few people know we've been trying for over a year now. So I'm getting pretty annoyed at all the family, friends and co-workers that constantly say "So when you two planning on starting a family?"
It's so hard to come up with a response cause well we planned on it years and years ago and it's not something I want to tell everyone that we're have problems! Anyone have any good canned responses that you tell people to get them to buzz off?