Husband suddenly not okay w/it all............

Awe Jody I so feel for you and can relate I went thru a similar stage about 2months back with my bf saying doing the sa was 'too hard' and I was the same I had all those feelings of it not being fair and how Iv gone thru so much and he cant do one test etc etc etc. But then I sat down with the encouragment of some of the ladies on here and had a talk with my bf. Turned out he was scared something might be wrong with him coz he'd had an op done down there when he was a baby and also coz of that op it made doing the test painful for him and frastreate him that it wasn't 'happening' for him everytime we tried to do the sa (we can do it at home coz only 30min from lab). He said that it felt clinical and like we where trying to hard. We still havent done the sa but we are aiming to do it this saturday hopefully all goes to plan.

I guess what Im saying is that you should talk to dh about why he dont want to do sa coz going thru all this affects him too and sometimes we forget that, I know I did....

Wishing you the best of luck and keep us posted...

Im here if you need a friend....

(((((BIG HUGZ)))))

Jody IM sorry that you are going through this- it is a rough road- and you all have to be a team. Thats the only way it works.

It is VERY nerve racking for you to expose every aspect of your fertility and for him to the not do his part. I do know that for a man its different- that is a very sensitive thing to ask them to do. And just LIKE YOU- he is scared that the issue will be with him... and what you will think about that.

Maybe you could just have a talk with him and say- Look this is our dream, and it will take both of us being open and supportive of each other's successes, failures, fears etc. Let him know that you appreciate that he is not frustrated with you for the fact the clomid didnt work- and that you would never be disappointed in him if the SA results were not great. LEt him know that he is NOT a means to an end- that he is your husband and you love him and that you want to make a child with him and raise them in your loving home.

I dont mean to be preachy- but none of this is worth a dime if you arent a team. TRUST me in a year of TTC, it was NOT easy- there were fights, arguments, hugs, tears, and all the while being scared- but you have to know he has your back, and he has to know the same.

Maybe its time to take a mini break and re-invest in your marriage. Like have spontaneous sex, so its not like only when you say so, and do some nice things for him and have a romantic evening?

I think he will come around, it takes talking- and putting everything out on the table..

Best of luck, WE ARE BEHIND YOU! (((hug))))

He already has two children, one with me so he feels like if it isn't going to happen then it just isn't meant to be....my biggest frustration is that a month ago I told him that if I didn't get pg that month that he'd have to do an sa and he didn't have a problem w/it then, but now that it's "real" he does.

My Re had my husband do this before they would ever give me an meds at all... but he doesnt have any children. SO Im wondering if its even necc. if he already has children- maybe it depends on the ages of his children?? Something to ask the ladies on here-because sperm issues has never been my expertise.. LOL- but there are several on here who do know lots about it!

Hope the experts and DR. Q can give you some answers- and encouragement..

((((hug)))))

I think that you both really need to sit down and share openly exactly what both of you are feeling about this and see if something can be worked out where both of you are happy and comfy with the decision. Like I said and Lori said as well guys have a hard time with this too and maybe his just scared something may be wrong with him and that he wont be 'worthy' (sorry couldnt think of another word) of your love or what not....Talking cant hurt....

Hi Jody,

I think many of us are going through this or have and it is very difficult. The bding does end up being more of a chore than "love making" when we have to do it on such a schedule. My hubby wasn't really into doing any of this testing and certainly not the sperm test. He thought that if things were meant to be they would happen. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the men feeling masculine and not wanting anything or thinking anything could be wrong with them. Maybe you can help him realize that the doctors need to rule him out and chances are that he is fine and if there is a problem then IUI can often help, which in turn can take away all this "ends to a means"/ planned sex b/c they tell you when to come in and do the IUI it's not all this guessing and trying to do the bd all the time. Also, my hubby did it (and by the way told me it was the most embarrassing thing he has ever done in his life, and I owed him--as he laughed) and found out he was really high. That helped to boost his ego for sure. Maybe that would happen to your hubby. My husband told me how he went in there and everyone knew why he was going in and had to sit in that little room..... Oh well poor them, like you said we have much more to go through. He is very supportive now and I hope you have the same luck!!!!! Keep us posted :O)