And the main mouth is my mother in law who is constantly saying "It sure would be nice to have some grandkids around"
WELL, WE'RE WORKING ON IT!!!!!!!
WELL, WE'RE WORKING ON IT!!!!!!!
How to deal with peoples unwanted opinions...venting
August 21, 2008
We are in our 12th month of TTC and most of you know my situation but for those who dont here it is breifly. I have had regular ovulation and periods up until about 3 months ago when I started a 12 week fitness and strength training program but I am finished with that. I think they may have regulated themselves back to normal but my doc gave me Clomid anyway to give me a boost. We are trying that for 6 months and maybe IUI,then he is sending me off to an RE. I told my parents b/c they are always supportive and never have anything negative to say. DH told his family (I asked him not to) and all we heard was how we didn't need Clomid and that I was just trying to rush things and that we needed to be patient and let it happen naturally. Now, EVERYONE in his family has never had a problem with getting preggo. So, they have no idea what its like. He does have a cousin who has been trying for 5 yrs but she lost a tube to an EP preg. and has had tons of trouble. And I am always hearing, "At least your not in the same situation as Heather, she has been trying longer than you and she isnt trying to rush things" What they do not know is she is getting ready to do IUI with injectables and then move on to IVF. She told me and asked me not to tell. And what pisses me off even more is that I never bring up the subject of TTC. Everyone always ask and out of being polite I update them b/c they are family (and if I didn't DH would) and when I do, people roll there eyes and tell me Im rushing and that the Clomid is ridiculous.
How can I make them realize that I am not rushing things? We have been actively trying for a year now and nothing is happening. I don't think I am rushing things at all. I mean, when you have unprotected sex for a year during ovulation and nothing happens, I think that deserves some intervention.
Sorry so long, but I'm on the verge of screaming and hurting the feelings of some family members here!
How can I make them realize that I am not rushing things? We have been actively trying for a year now and nothing is happening. I don't think I am rushing things at all. I mean, when you have unprotected sex for a year during ovulation and nothing happens, I think that deserves some intervention.
Sorry so long, but I'm on the verge of screaming and hurting the feelings of some family members here!
Scream away girlfriend! Lord how frustrating! Every time I start to waiver about whether or not to tell family, I read stories like yours and I get straightened out right away! I think my family would be quiet about it, but DH's is full of jokers-so it would either be a joke to them or the same thing you're going through with your MIL. And nobody on his side has had any trouble whatsoever, so pretty sure telling them would just be a bad idea. And that's just so mean to compare you to his cousin! Don't get me wrong, I feel for her too, but they shouldn't belittle your situation! And no you're not rushing at all! So sorry you have to deal with this! ((HUGS))
Haley one thing I will tell every beginning TTCer...DO NOT tell family that you are TTC. LOL!
My DH's family is extrememly opinionated on everything. If its not there way, its the wrong way. I should have known better. I wish I had never told them. I always make DH mad when he question the way I do something...I'll go "Oh right, thats not the Andrew's way of doing it, so it must be wrong" He gets so mad! LOL
I get compared to his cousin alot. She has been the one in the family who has been having problems for so long and now here I come along. I am so sick of hearing..."You think you have it bad, just think of Heather." Ugh!
If only I had kept my mouth shut, last Sept!
My DH's family is extrememly opinionated on everything. If its not there way, its the wrong way. I should have known better. I wish I had never told them. I always make DH mad when he question the way I do something...I'll go "Oh right, thats not the Andrew's way of doing it, so it must be wrong" He gets so mad! LOL
I get compared to his cousin alot. She has been the one in the family who has been having problems for so long and now here I come along. I am so sick of hearing..."You think you have it bad, just think of Heather." Ugh!
If only I had kept my mouth shut, last Sept!
I will definitely take your advice!
I just know that it's gunna be harder to keep quiet though. We're going to be around his family this weekend for the first time since we found out his little brother and girlfriend are pregnant. So I can hear it now..."when are you guys gunna have kids" "they beat you in having the first grandkid" etc etc etc. And I know I'll just want to scream WE'RE TRYING!!! But no, I'll just count to 10 and think of what you said!! :)
I just know that it's gunna be harder to keep quiet though. We're going to be around his family this weekend for the first time since we found out his little brother and girlfriend are pregnant. So I can hear it now..."when are you guys gunna have kids" "they beat you in having the first grandkid" etc etc etc. And I know I'll just want to scream WE'RE TRYING!!! But no, I'll just count to 10 and think of what you said!! :)
Laurie, I think HopeN is right-it is an argument that you cannot win. Some people just need to be right all the time, lol! Don't be too hard on DH, he grew up with them & is prob used to their bossy, know everything ways & does not understand how hard it is on you.
Mean Mean Mean that they compare you to the cousin. As if one persons pain is more important that anothers! Maybe you could talk to the cousin & get her to stand up for you with them-she should understand how you feel & be able to support you with DH's family. Maybe coming from her they would get a grip & keep their opinions to themselves. Just a thought...Good luck & sorry you are having to deal with this!
Mean Mean Mean that they compare you to the cousin. As if one persons pain is more important that anothers! Maybe you could talk to the cousin & get her to stand up for you with them-she should understand how you feel & be able to support you with DH's family. Maybe coming from her they would get a grip & keep their opinions to themselves. Just a thought...Good luck & sorry you are having to deal with this!
Wendy Lou, yeah. I agree with HopeN. Im not gonna win LOL. I guess I just need to put up a barrier. DH cousin has stood up for me. She told them a fertility problem is a problem no matter how long its been there or what type it is. That worked for about 2 months, then they started up again when the Clomid was prescribed. She does take up for me though. = )
Hey Laura........I remember all of these feelings when we were trying. Unless you have had issues trying to get pg, you have no clue how it makes you feel. You have no idea what it is like to cry every month when AF shows or the stress that comes with temping and timing and bding like it is a job! Families and people are so unfair sometimes. At least you have found this site that helps you to vent and to know it is ok to be mad and frustrated! PLease take care and vent away! Tons and tons of baby dust to you and everyone else!
I hear ya! Right now we are doing IUI's and no one in my family will know. We have a 3 yr old (conceived by IUI) but want one more. I only have one tube due to ectopic. One time a couple of months ago I mentioned to my mother we wanted to start trying (didn't tell her we already had) and she went off telling me I was "crazy" to have another kid. In this day and age raising kids is too expensive plus the way the world is "now-a-days", there is too much to worry about when they become teenagers. My sister and brother-in-law would make smart comments about it as well.....same old let it happen naturally (they did last time). So just our supportive friends know. Next time I get pregnant, my family isn't going to be told until I'm 12 weeks.
I agree, it is best to just tell them they are right and then keep them out of the loop.
I agree, it is best to just tell them they are right and then keep them out of the loop.
Laura, I agree with you, I wouldnt tell until I'm 12 weeks. I haven't told anyone that we're ttc or that I went to a RE, one reason is I'm 41, but also I dont want to hear "are you pregnant yet?" every time I see someone I know. Besides I think they would think I'm nuts because of my age. I don't want to hear the negative remarks either. It's our business what we do to have a baby. I hope Clomid works for you. Good luck and lots of baby dust to you!
August 21, 2008