Hard Times

So sorry you a having a crap day Wannbe! Maybe the fighting is just a symptom of the stress you guys are feeling about TTC? I know my DH & I get irritated with each other from time to time about all the schedules for BD, Dr's apts, ect...I kinda takes the fun out of just being together.

You are right though to not make any major decisions while so upset. I know it doesn't help for ME to say so but things usually do seem blown out of proportion when you take a step back from the arguement & take a deep breath. Don't forget you are on the right track finally & will be getting some answers from the RE & hopefully moving toward that BFP that you've been waiting for!!

Hope things get better soon-at least you always have a friendly ear or twelve to vent to on here!!

Awh wannabemommy i am so sorry you are feeling this way.

All couples have their fights right now myself and my husband are fighting because i think he blames me for our miscarriage i know i am being stupid but its how i feel. We argue over alot of things money being the big one but we always make up and thats the best thing about fighting the making up. I really hope you feel better soon (((HUGS)))

I have been thru this over and over in my head as well thru the year TTC. My hubby and I argue a lot anyway since we are both very much alike but there were some times where I was ready to leave or throw him out the window. I really think it was the stress and the thoughts of failure I had on myself about not getting preggo. I am a control freak and like to have everything planned out and this didnt work and there was nothing I could do to plan it any better - it was basically out of my hands.

I went on Lexapro a few months back and there has not been 1 time where I have blown up at him or wanted a divorce since the pills kicked in. I needed help that way but if you don’t want to do that then try some Yoga or something that YOU like to do. Relieving stress may do wonders for your marriage! TTC is really hard on a marriage!

Take care hun!

Big fat hugs. I hate days like that, the good thing is they will pass. Take a hot bath, drink some cocoa, and a nice long cry.

Keep your head up sweets.

I'm devestated right now. My mother-in-law e-mailed me and told me that we will not make it in our marriage (among many other hurtful things) and actually gave me the link to the family divorce court. I can't believe this... I know it's not him talking, it's his mom. I'm so hurt. I can't stop crying. I had to tell my co-workers and my boss because they all heard/saw me start balling my eyes out.

I need to talk to him about it, but he's still mad apparently because he's not answering his phone. We'll talk about it later.

I'm canceling my HSG and his SA. I'm asking my OBGYN for birth control and I'm going to stop paying attention to my cycles, but I'm not leaving here. I love you guys... you are my family that lives in the computer. LOL.

Just wanted to update you.

OH WANNA,,, I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO THAT,,, I HATE MIL's!!!! MY IN LAWS HAVE CAUSED MORE PROBLEMS IN MY MARRIAGE THAN I DONT KNOW WHAT,,, THEY ARE THE REASON MY DH HAD A VASECTOMY IN THE FIRST DAMN PLACE!

UR MIL HAD NO RIGHT TO STICK HER NOSE WHERE IT DIDNT BELONG! I AM SOOO SORRY U ARE GOING THRU THIS,,, I HOPE UR DH SEES WHAT A MISTAKE HE IS MAKING BY TREATING U THIS WAY,,, UR A GREAT PERSON AND I LOVE U!

((((((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))))

My thoughts and prayers go out to you. My DH and I had a hard first couple years. We were married young and so many people told us we would never make it. Well here we are 10 years later and still together and happy. Sometimes you just have to ignore what other people say. I know it can be hurtful but you and your DH need to do what is right for you and not worry or listen to other people. Some of the people that told us we would never make it are now some of our strongest supporters. You need to ignore the negative people in your life and do whatever makes you happy. Remember that they are not the ones living your life. Do what's right for you and you only! Hang in there! Big Hugs!

Wanna,

I am sorry that you are having such a crappy day! We all have those days, some more than others, some all the time and the lucky ones none at all. Things will calm down. Don't get on birth control because then you'll have to wait and start all over again. Your MIL gets the pinger for what she did and said. Tell her it's none of her business and maybe you guys wouldn't be having problems had she of raised her son right. Flip it back on her! Stay positive and keep telling yourself that you can get through this somehow. Big hugs to you!

It if were me, I'd ignore the email completely. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing she got to you. Then I'd talk to your dh once you've calmed down and the two of you can have a productive conversation about what you both want, feel, etc. Marriage is one of the toughest things in life and it takes constant care, love, nurturing and commitment from both people in it. Do you love him? If so, nothing else matters, so make it work. Life is so short and when you find that someone that you love and want to share your life with, do whatever it takes to keep the relationship healthy and lasting. Never give up, never say I don't care.

Good luck hun!!

im sorry to hear she is such a witch - i dont get why MIL's think they have the right to step in and get into your business. I like what Sara said - she is right, dont even let her know that her email has effected you - maybe you can find a way to block her so she isnt able to contact you this way again.

Good idea Chels. Ya know marriages are hard enough, then to add a nasty MIL to the mix, forget it. My dh and I keep our problems to ourselves, we never involve our families, that only opens doors to other people judging and causing more problems.

I just wish that I could give you a big big bear hug. I am sorry that you are going through all of this. Lots of love coming your way! ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))

I do love my husband with all my heart. He and I talked last night and worked out our issues and then I let him read the e-mail from his mother (which I ignored, by the way) and he said he was going to talk to her. It's just hard to ignore her because we live right down the street from eachother and she works in my building too. I run into her all the time, but I don't have to talk to her, right? I won't talk to her right now...

Anyway, I feel much better today and I decided to keep the HSG appointment. I shouldn't let her get in the way of my life long dream that we've worked so hard for... we are this close, why screw that up to make someone else happy?!

Glad to hear that today is a better day Wanna! Sending lots of love your way!

Thanks Liane. You ladies are the greatest!

In my experience, ttc and failing is harder on the man than it is the woman. Women tend to get sad and close off. Then we become obsessive compulsive about it. Men, on the other hand, get upset and angry. It's more of a personal blow to men, as they think it's a reflection of their masculinity. You say your husband's SA is coming up? That's a huge amount of pressure. Also, men have a desire to fix things that are wrong...and they can't fix this, so they're angry.

My husband is the kindest, calmest person I know. But, when we were ttc and failing, he would bite my head off...particularly if I talked about ttc. It was simply bizarre.

Ultimately, I had to take on ttc somewhat alone. I know it sounds kind of sad and pathetic, but I figured out that my husband had so much stress over the process, that it wasn't healthy for our relationship, and it wasn't conducive for baby making. So, I wouldn't tell him when I was ovulating. I wouldn't tell him my temperatures. I wouldn't tell him what fun little drugs I was taking. Instead, I treated us both to massages, turned our house into a relaxation center (calming candles, music and baths), and I let him know that we would eventually get pregnant. It wasn't the end of the world if we failed this month...or next, because we'd get there. Looking back, I changed my own mindset to help heal my husband. And, you know what? It eventually worked.

If you're fighting like this, something needs to change. Figure out what it is, and take charge of it. Your husband is helpless right now...helpless and pissed. Helping him through it is what marriage is about.

Regarding your MIL, screw her. Don't let her get into your head. You need to take care of yourself right now, and letting such negativity enter your environment is unacceptable. :)

You'll get through this. Just don't give up.

That's a good idea, turning the house into a relaxing environment. My hubby is the same way, so I do like you and don't talk about ovulation, temps, OPK's, or anything. I have been having to talk to him about it though because his SA is coming up. That could have a lot to do with his attitude yesterday. I understand, there is a lot of pressure.

I'm so proud of him though for being willing to go through this too.

Happy you are feeling better today & you & DH & on the mend!! Great that you did not drop the apt's for the HSG & SA!! Good luck to you both!!

Too bad about the MIL being so close to you-at home & at work!! No escape I guess...Maybe your DH will talk to her & tell her to butt out!

AF just ended today and DH is supposed to refrain for 2-3 days before his SA. Friday morning he is supposed to do it, so that means we can't babydance tonight?

WannaBe - Hang in there. And don't give up trying.

I've had so many people tell me to stop trying and just relax. Which is pretty close to BS if I've ever heard it. I can't get pregnant if I'm not ovulating and if I'm not taking my meds and BDing on certain KEY days, then its not going to happen. DUH! It's so frustrating.

We just need to work through it... and stay relaxed in the process. Don't give up.

My HSG is tomorrow and I'm going through with that, but I'm letting my DH relax a little and letting him skip out on his SA for a couple weeks. As long as it's done within the next 2-3 weeks, it's all good.

There has been so much stress in our relationship because of our families, but we are working through it. There is no way I'm going to let them tell us what we "Need" to do in our marriage. Screw them!

I'm still lightly spotting, only when I wipe... can they still do the HSG if it's still doing that tomorrow?

I would think so Wanna! Best of luck and please keep us posted!