September 26, 2009
I am soon to be 29, dh is soon to be 31 and dd is almost 4 1/2. I have a bmi of 46, pcos and am otherwise healthy. my periods have always been light and very regular and they still are. It took 3 yrs of ttc for my dd, which I got pg without any meds, they just had told me I wasn't ovulating and needed lose wieght, the next month I was finally pg after 3 yrs. So this time around we started early... when my daughter was about 6 months old I quit the depo shot, then when she was 9 months old I quit the pill. I weigh about 15 lbs less now then when I got pg with dd. Now this time around ttc, dh sperm count good, tubes clear, 8 rounds of clomid and then I did 3 rounds of gonal f and 1 iui all with bfn, then re said in august that I had to lose 60lbs before he would try anything else.... I feel like a failure, I am just confused, I definatly "o'd" with those cycles and still no bfp:( So I am 10 lbs down since aug and still trying to lose wieght, taking metformin xr and ttc on my own. It sucks, I feel like time is just wasting away.......I shouldn't even have to try to get pg, it should just happen...ugh.. I just want to cry and scream.... my dh has been great and supportive, but I feel he is just happy with dd and if another one came great, but he doesn't have the urge I have to have another baby, it consumes me, then I feel guilty because of course I love dd, why shouldn't she be enough?! She wants a sibling soo bad too, it is sad, she prays every night for a sister or brother. and that just breaks my heart too. I am at the point that I just wish I would get pg or this urge would go away.....
September 26, 2009
Man oh man...I hear ya....my dh is willing to try again, and he'd be thrilled BUT I think if we didn't get lucky again, he'd be just fine.....me, I DESIRE another baby, a sibling for our daughter and it sometimes absolutely CONSUMES my every breath....I WANT it so badly.......I'm THANKFUL that we have our daughter, we waited 14 years for her.....she's everything to us and I just LOVE her so much.........BUT....that maternal instinct is so intense.....I just would LOVE another one....because I had 2 siblings and I love them both so much (baby sis passed away at 33, 3 years ago) but we were SO close........I can't help but DESIRE that kind of friendship for my daughter................
Sometimes I get downright PO'd at my PCOS!!!!!!!!!!! I hate it.
I hate that my stuff doesn't work like "regular" ppl that get pregnant one after another and I knoooooow it's in God's plan but.....that doesn't make the desire go away or lessen it.
I so hear ya!!!