July 04, 2008
THIS IS LONG, but it's SO AMAZING!!!
Well i'll start my 3rd round of Clomid tomorrow, day 5, July 5th--easy to remember what days i'm on this month! But i had an AMAZING experience Saturday morning, and i can't wait to share it with you.
I got up to test right after my hubby left for work, and i was all alone, b/c my daughter had spent the night at my sister's house the night before b/c we had a gig. And i questioned whether i should test or not, being that i'm so used to getting negatives, i didn't wanna see another one. Well, i did the test, but couldn't bring myself to look at it for the longest time. Right there as i sat up in my bed, i started praying to God. I thanked Him for an amazing week teaching 4th grade VBS last week, and all i took away from it, which was much more than i thought. And then i told Him, "If you want this to be it for us this month, let it be, but if not, help me to deal with the disappointment." As i slowly reached over to get the test, i'm feeling nervous. I look--it's negative.
I called Jack (he was still on his way to work) and told him the news. He consoled me for a moment, and then had to go, as he approached his work. I hung up the phone.
I lost it. I cried. I really cried. Feeling overwhelmed and distraught, I began asking God, "why, why...i don't understand." I didn't understand why it was happening to us. Why did we have such an easy time getting pregnant with our daughter, and it's taking us 18 months and counting for this one? I felt bad to be asking why, because i had just prayed for comfort and encouragement if i wasn't pregnant. Why did i feel this way?
I suddenly felt like God was telling me to open my Bible. I turned to Psalms thinking i would find verses of encouragement. Looking back it seems selfish, but i know i just wanted His love and support. As i opened to Psalms, i began to read. I IMMEDIATELY felt a sense of comfort. WOW! I mean, no more tears, not thinking about my sorrows....just COMFORT. And what i found myself reading next wasn't the verses i thought they'd be. They were verses of God and His glory, His faithfulness and strength, and His awesomeness. Right then i knew was He was saying. He caught me when i was so broken, and it was like He was telling me, "I'm about to do something amazing in your life, but it's not gonna be about you, it's gonna be about me." And it WAS.
The more i read, the more i kept reading. I grabbed a piece of paper and began writing the verses down. I wrote and wrote, and after filling 1 page, i began searching for verses of hope, faithfulness, etc. One of my favorites i found was:
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, b/c we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance- character, and character-hope." And that's SO true. When you are going through what all of us are, it's hard not to get down about it, but our suffering makes us stronger, and makes us press on, and builds our character. Psalm 130:5 says "I wait for the Lord, ; my soul waits and in His word i put my Hope".
This INCREDIBLE morning gave me hope, and it gave me a jump-start to getting closer to the Lord. After i filled up two pages of verses, i looked over at my clock, and it had been an hour! It's amazing how the time flies when you're focused on Him. He allows you that time of not feeling rushed.
Anyway, i know this is long, but i had to share it with you guys. Y'all are always there for me and i wanted you to know that we will pull through this. All in God's timing, not in our own. If He wants this for us, He WILL make it happen, and i truly believe that.
I wanted to share this verse with you that has always been my favorite, and we can all relate to it:
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart"-Psalm 37:4.
Love you guys.
Well i'll start my 3rd round of Clomid tomorrow, day 5, July 5th--easy to remember what days i'm on this month! But i had an AMAZING experience Saturday morning, and i can't wait to share it with you.
I got up to test right after my hubby left for work, and i was all alone, b/c my daughter had spent the night at my sister's house the night before b/c we had a gig. And i questioned whether i should test or not, being that i'm so used to getting negatives, i didn't wanna see another one. Well, i did the test, but couldn't bring myself to look at it for the longest time. Right there as i sat up in my bed, i started praying to God. I thanked Him for an amazing week teaching 4th grade VBS last week, and all i took away from it, which was much more than i thought. And then i told Him, "If you want this to be it for us this month, let it be, but if not, help me to deal with the disappointment." As i slowly reached over to get the test, i'm feeling nervous. I look--it's negative.
I called Jack (he was still on his way to work) and told him the news. He consoled me for a moment, and then had to go, as he approached his work. I hung up the phone.
I lost it. I cried. I really cried. Feeling overwhelmed and distraught, I began asking God, "why, why...i don't understand." I didn't understand why it was happening to us. Why did we have such an easy time getting pregnant with our daughter, and it's taking us 18 months and counting for this one? I felt bad to be asking why, because i had just prayed for comfort and encouragement if i wasn't pregnant. Why did i feel this way?
I suddenly felt like God was telling me to open my Bible. I turned to Psalms thinking i would find verses of encouragement. Looking back it seems selfish, but i know i just wanted His love and support. As i opened to Psalms, i began to read. I IMMEDIATELY felt a sense of comfort. WOW! I mean, no more tears, not thinking about my sorrows....just COMFORT. And what i found myself reading next wasn't the verses i thought they'd be. They were verses of God and His glory, His faithfulness and strength, and His awesomeness. Right then i knew was He was saying. He caught me when i was so broken, and it was like He was telling me, "I'm about to do something amazing in your life, but it's not gonna be about you, it's gonna be about me." And it WAS.
The more i read, the more i kept reading. I grabbed a piece of paper and began writing the verses down. I wrote and wrote, and after filling 1 page, i began searching for verses of hope, faithfulness, etc. One of my favorites i found was:
"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, b/c we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance- character, and character-hope." And that's SO true. When you are going through what all of us are, it's hard not to get down about it, but our suffering makes us stronger, and makes us press on, and builds our character. Psalm 130:5 says "I wait for the Lord, ; my soul waits and in His word i put my Hope".
This INCREDIBLE morning gave me hope, and it gave me a jump-start to getting closer to the Lord. After i filled up two pages of verses, i looked over at my clock, and it had been an hour! It's amazing how the time flies when you're focused on Him. He allows you that time of not feeling rushed.
Anyway, i know this is long, but i had to share it with you guys. Y'all are always there for me and i wanted you to know that we will pull through this. All in God's timing, not in our own. If He wants this for us, He WILL make it happen, and i truly believe that.
I wanted to share this verse with you that has always been my favorite, and we can all relate to it:
"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart"-Psalm 37:4.
Love you guys.
July 05, 2008