FertilityTies Member Journeys

...4 months left...

Thu, 22 May 2008 07:34:41 -0500

never thought this would happen to me,

never thought i'd be 17 and pregnant.

never though i was invincible,

just never thought it would be me.

but now it is true,

4 more months and we'll have a little one.

so many emotions i have,

so hard to express them.

want to scream and cry,

want to run and hide.

want to wake up,

and it just be a dream.

but it's not,

and soon we will have a life to care for.

a life to support and provide the best for.

so scared i am that i will fail,

so afraid i am that i can't do it.

but god will give me strength,

to let me handle it.

god will give me everything i need,

to raise the miracle he blessed us with.

i didn't write this. i found it on the internet and it explains sorta how i feel.

jen_n_tyler

!!!IT'S A BOY!!!

Wed, 14 May 2008 18:06:33 -0500

WELL...I WENT TO THE DOCTOR TODAY...AND I'M HAVIN A...BOY!!! HIS NAME IS BRINLEY SEVERIN LANG. HIS MIDDLE NAME IS AFTER HIS UNCLE WHO HAS PASSED AWAY. BUT I WANTED TO KEEP HIM IN MEMORY EVEN THOUGH I'VE NEVER MET HIM AND MY BF WANTED IT IN THE NAME TOO.

jen_n_tyler

stressed...

Mon, 12 May 2008 08:11:00 -0500

i am now 20 weeks and i find out what i'm having wednesday. i'm excited. from the very beginning i've been really stressed about being so young and having a baby. at first i had the perspective that my life isn't over. but since i've gotten farther along and have had to deal with seeing everyone else do the things i can't do anymore it upsets me. now i really feel like my life is over. not just only that i have to worry about finals, graduation and getting stuff together for my baby. i feel so overwhelmed and i can't take it much longer. i have a short temper and get frusturated very easily and since i've been pregnany it's only gotten worse. my family, boyfriend, and his family is supportive. but it seems i don't have anybody here to support me in the way i feel i need to be supported. i feel so alone and depressed. i try to explain things to my boyfriend but he doesn't understand anything that i say and can't see anything from my point of view. he's clueless. and it seems everything i do he puts me down for it. alot of times he seems like he's trying to control me more than he is just willing to be here for me and support me. i've talked to him about how i feel but i feel it just goes in one ear and out the other. he says that he's been trying to work on things but i don't see a difference and if i ever do it's only for a day or so and things go back to normal. i'm just so tired of trying to explain things to him. most of the time i feel lik ei'm going crazy. being a pregnant teenager is no fun. and i hate it. sometimes i feel like if i was just by myself aand could do everything by myself it would be so much easier. but i have no money saved and every time i get paid orand turn around theres something that i need to buy. and i have to depend on my boyfriend to get where i want to go because i don't have a car and i hate depending on people. it makes me feel weak and awful. and to add onto it i don't have my mom around to help me get through this. i just don't know how i'm going to get through this. i feel like no one understands me or what i'm going through. i just don't iknow what to do anymore. i want to give up so bad. i love my baby already and i know i'll always love it but why did this have to happen to me? i never want my baby to think that it's a mistake,unwanted,

unloved and i wish i never had it but right now all i can think of is i wish i wasn't pregnant. and to add onto everything me and my boyfriend aren't getting married (which is a good thing, i don't want to right now) but when i have the baby his mom is saying we can't stay thenight with each other because we're not married and i feel like he's not going to have anytime to be there for me or the baby because he'll be working and going to shcool at the same time of being a father. and we're going to be a family but i feel like we won't be one until we can all live together which won't be for a very long time because i have no money and we wouldn't be able to afford it. and after i have the abby i'm going to stay w my aunt for a while and my gma will be over there and i feel like there will be conflict because they will try to tell me how to raise my baby and not let me do it on my own and always interfere and not let me learn things for myself. well that's mainly my gma. i feel she will not give me any breathing rooom and i feel that me and the baby will be so smothered. i appreciate all of the help i've had so far but already they make me feel like it's not mine. and my boyfriend never understands that i dont want to have sex and it seems everyday all he wants to do is be sexual. this is only about half of what is going on w me. and it's too much.

jen_n_tyler

thoughts of a pregnant teen

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 07:37:15 -0500

i haven't wrote one of these in ages,

but lately i've been goin through some tough stages.

two months ago two pink lines showed up on my pregnancy test,

and since then i've been tryin to do my best.

this is the hardest thing a teenage girl has to go through,

especially when she doesn't know anything to do.

not too long after that my clothes stopped fitting me,

and from a different perspective i started to see.

one of the hardest things is having to give up my dreams,

but life is always like that is seems.

since then me and my boyfriend fight so much more,

i always wonder why did this have to happen to me for?

the changes in my hormones sends my emotions wild,

but that's nothing compared to the thought having a child.

i'm only eighteen weeks into my pregnancy,

but it seems like it's been an eternity.

i know people look at my belly and talk when they see me in the halls,

but that's not hte only reason i put up this wall.

feelings of lonelinesss and distrust came so fast,

and i wonder how long everything will last.

it's hard being a 17 year old senior who's also a to be mother,

but i've been told the love for this baby will be like no other.

i hope we'll get through this and things will be okay,

but i know we'll be great parents no matter what people will say.

i know neither of us are ready for this obstacle yet,

but having this baby i'm sure we'll never regret.

jen_n_tyler