New comments on 'adoption? or one of my own?'

New comment from butterflilove

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 00:40:08 -0500

Thanks so much... With the little guy we are taking in now he comes from just that major neglect that's for sure and drug abuse but he is thriving that's for sure... This case is looking good for us as a concurrent home "fost/adopt" Odds are he will stay with us... I wish you girls all the luck of TTC as well as the option of adoption if you decided to take that road....

butterflilove

New comment from chelsharmony

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 16:56:49 -0500

Thats so wonderful for and of you! I don't know that I am strong enuf to go thru it all, I get upset when I hear someone tell their kids to shut up in the grocery store or smack a kid there, I can't imagine the rage I wd have for someone who abuses a child and gets them back or just to see day to day what the abuse has done to a precious lil child. U n ur DH r very special people!

chelsharmony

New comment from butterflilove

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 01:07:30 -0500

Hi girls well I myself did not have children when I adopted my girls... But to answer your question your kids should be your #1 priority, when you take kids in from the foster care system you are going to have to ride the roller coaster I have seen friends have a hard time dealing with some citations all depends on the child you take in, we wanted a baby and knew that it was going to be a journey and it only took 11 months and we finalized adoption on 4/15/09.

If you take older kids you may have a bigger chance of getting a placement sooner but you will have more issues. Taking infant to say 5 years of age, you deal with drug exposed children most times and or neglect. We were lucky and count our blessings we finished our classes and were placed with our girls 4 months and 13 months bio sisters in a month... With my oldest I am dealing with speech delay, attachment disorder, sensory issues but other than that she is a wonderful bright spirited girl and I would not ask for anything more.

I tried for 9 years to have my own guess god had other plans for me.. There are not enough foster parents out there and we so need more... But foster care is not for all.. I just met my little guy that will move in on Friday he is beautiful... he is 5 months and just a happy little guy. So far no issues.. We are happy and I guess if this month is not successful we will stop TTC...

We love fost/adopt it is such a blessing. you would be so surprised at how many couples are getting their family through adoption in the foster care system. look into it go to an inquiry meeting and see if its for you.. Always remember if you do decided to go on with fost/adopt, when you take the classes they always give you the worst case scenario..

I I did not go on too much.

Best of luck in your journey of TTC and if you decide to go with fost/adopt I will always be here for any questions.

God Bless

Michelle

butterflilove

New comment from DC9

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 23:02:56 -0500

Chels,

We have thought about that, but currently have no children, so that won't be a problem. However, some friends of ours adopted 5 children out of the foster care system, and we saw how it affected the ones that they had.

DC9

New comment from chelsharmony

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 11:03:45 -0500

we have looked into that a lil bit as well but my fear was the children that i already have in my home - like them getting too attached (well, DH and i too but we are adults) and the possibility that we may not be able to "keep" the children, as well as getting children out of the foster care system come with "issues" since they were taken from their parents. I have no problem with kids issues, we all have them, but what i worry is that my children will be affected by the children that come into my home. Is that something that you thought of butterfly or am i thinking too hard?

chelsharmony

New comment from DC9

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 00:42:54 -0500

Yes, we have looked into foster parenting. We have recently put it on hold, because of J's job situation. Thanks for your encouragment.

DC9

New comment from butterflilove

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 11:20:53 -0500

So sorry to hear about your grandmother DC9 I am in the same boat with mine and my grandfather just passed on 9/11... It is hard.

Adoption is a wonderful thing that's for sure it has started our family, I can say that if we do not conceive that I am perfectly content with my girls and my little guy that we will be getting this week he is 5 months old. We Adopted through the foster care system it is alot easier on the budget doing it this way, this enabled me to quit my job and care for our kids. They also have there own medical benefits until they are 18 so this helps here as well. I would like to follow you on the journey of adoption and if you have any questions please let me know. We ae in California where are you? Have you looked into adoption through the foster care?

We also just O'd yesterday so we hope this is our month...

TTYL have a wonderful day keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers

butterflilove

New comment from DC9

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 01:09:26 -0500

Sorry it took so long to get back with you. I am currently working 40 + hrs. a week, and dealing with the heartache of my gramma passing. She is still alive, but not the same since her last "episode".I had 1 day off last week, so I spent it down here with her. (about 2 hours away)

We are still looking into adoption, but at the moment do not have a lot of time for TTC. My hubby is working out of town. (but at least he has a job for now!!!)

DC9

New comment from butterflilove

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 11:55:59 -0500

DC9 Hi how are you doing.. Where are you at in your process I am a product of TTC and did an adoption at the same time.. I have 2 beautiful girls and it only to 11 months to finalize. We are now TTC again and just got a call for a little boy so we are blessed but still hoping to conceive a child of our own. Please update me on your journey...

butterflilove

New comment from Recurrent_MC_chick(is preg w/1surviving twin!!)

Sun, 14 Dec 2008 01:43:12 -0600

Awww...Debbie, I'm so sad you won't get to adopt the baby! :( But, like Sar2222 said at least the baby gets born...& let's hope it still has a nice life. If you need to talk hun I'll try to catch you online or you can call me. I've just been really busy & stressed...I'll explain l8r, but basicly finacial probs & just a busy month for me. Hope 2 ttyl!

Recurrent_MC_chick(is preg w/1surviving twin!!)

New comment from Sar22222

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 15:56:07 -0600

Awww I guess it's both good and bad news then. I'm happy the baby will be born, yet sad that you won't get to raise him/her. Hopefully he or she will have a great life :)

Sar22222

New comment from DC9

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 15:49:42 -0600

Update:

I got a call from "Grandma", and she said that they are keeping the baby. They really don't have much choice, unless they want the Daddy raising the baby. Come to find out, it was not rape! She only told her mom it was rape, cuz she was afraid her mom would kick her out. The boyfriend came by, and asked if he could go to the dr. appts. with her, her mom asked why, and he said cause it's my baby, and I want to see it. She said she then decided to confront her daughter, and her daughter admitted it. She is not happy that she was lied to, but she understands. She too had a baby out of wedlock, and her parents kicked her out.

I am happy that they are happy, but I still wisk we could have adopted the baby. :( I called the "grandma", and told her that we would make the final decision by the 15th of Jan.. We wanted to get through Christmas, and New Years, and figure out our finances first before we made the final decision.... We are disappointed, but happy that they made the decision not to abort.

DC9

New comment from confused aka Valerie(CD26)

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 21:21:55 -0600

So if she says yes will you do it?

confused aka Valerie(CD26)

New comment from DC9

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 19:09:38 -0600

Thanks girls, that is a lot to think about. The "grandma" and I are the only ones that know about this right now. The "mother" hasn't decided for sure if adoption is what she wants to do, but I told "Grandma" that we would be 100% decided before we let her know if we want the baby.

DC9

New comment from chelsharmony

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 14:05:20 -0600

talk to KAN, she got preggo the month they got their baby girl from adoption :)

chelsharmony

New comment from Rachel W.

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 13:05:49 -0600

DC9, adoption is a beautiful thing... but in my opinion you can not base your decision on whether or not you happen to be pregnant when the baby up for adoption is born. It would not be fair to this teenaged girl who has been through so much already if she thought that she had a good home for her baby then bam at 7 months preg you find out you are pregnant and no longer want her baby. I think that would be traumatizing for her. These young women may not understand the complete weight of the responsibility of being a mother, but they definatly have maternal instincts... and one of those would be to preotect this baby as much as they can. If you are going to adopt you have to be firm in the decision to take that baby and love it as your own no matter if you are pregnant or not. It would be a lot of work to have two young ones at the same time, but it would be much like having twins. What I am saying is that adoption requires 100% commitment. You have to fall in love with the child and decide that "you" are its mother before it is even born. You have to follow the pregnancy and keep up with how all the appointments go. You need to be as excited for this child to come as you would be if you were pregnant. You would love them so much that you would carry around an ultrasound picture to show off to others. Adopting a baby is like pregnancy... except you are expecting a baby not physically pregnant with one. I am sorry if I have come off the worng way to you I just feel very strongly about this issue. Please do not give this family the false hope that you are going to adopt their baby unless you are 100% commited to it. You will know in your heart if this is the right thing for you to do. If you find your heart is telling you otherwise then instead of offering adoption, you should offer all the support you can. There are so so so many families out there waiting to adopt a baby... God will find a good home for him or her if you feel that it is not yours. I wish you all the wisdom in the world making your decision in this matter. My thoughts and love are with you! God Bless!

Rachel W.

New comment from Sar22222

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 11:06:55 -0600

All you can do is support her decision Mrs...as hard as that is...

Sar22222

New comment from MrsMiller(akaShelly)

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 06:24:24 -0600

Well this is going to be a long 9 months for her, now she says she can raise it. I just want what is best for her & my grandbaby.

MrsMiller(akaShelly)

New comment from DC9

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 10:33:05 -0600

Hey mom, My cousin adopted her sister's baby, then when the baby was about 5, his "mother" wanted him back.to save on confusion, we will call them T and K. T adopted K's baby. T told K, this is now my son, and you will not get him back. However, you can see him anytime you want, as long as you include my other children as well. They enjoyed the compromise! K joined the military, and anytime she came home, she would stay with T and her family. When the boy was about 12, they told him together. It was a bit of a hard time at first, but when he finally understood the whole story, he was fine. He is now in the military, and stationed near his biological mother. in the end, it is a very hapy story! :)

Sar, Thanks for your support and suggestions!

-Dee

DC9

New comment from Sar22222

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 08:07:46 -0600

Oh that sounds like it would be much less complicated since you too aren't that close and don't see eachother every day :) I just wondered if you did see eachother often, how that child would feel growing up. But yes, I agree I would tell my child he/she was adopted and also if he/she ever wanted to get in touch with the birth mother I would be okay with that too. I would be confident that I loved that child the best I could and raised him/her with good family values and that the birth mother would be proud of the job I did.

I think you could totally handle two of them and think of it this way too...what if you got preggers with twins? You'd have no choice, you'd have to take care of them both and you'd be great!

Sar22222

adoption? or one of my own?

Sat, 08 Nov 2008 15:48:21 -0600

Is adoption and ttc at the same time a bad thing? A friend of mine called, and said that her teenage daughter was raped, and is pg. They believe sbortion is killing a baby, so they aren't sure what to do. I told them that I would adopt the baby, but I am not sure now if I should. My hubby and I talked about it today, and he asked what if I get pg between now and then? would I be able to take care of 2? Or would I not want to adopt? She is due in May, so we have a few weeks/months to decide. I also know I am going to see a specialist soon, and discuss the idea of having a hysterectomy. I have PCOS as well as who knows what. I am not sure what the right decision is! Please pray that we make the right decision!

DC9